Going through life changes, we have to sit back and evaluate our reality. I have been thinking a lot about titles vs position, labels vs status. We can have the name, but never be the wife.

I made the decision a few months ago to contact a lawyer and consider another divorce. Being a Christian woman, I feel like divorce is a bad word, similarly to “pregnant” when you’re a teen. After having some opinions shared and comments made, Holy Spirit wanted me to look at my relationship and evaluate it, with Him.

I realized I was given a title, a name, but never allowed to hold the position. We are given these titles to define who we are, but I feel like people fail to realize just because we do have that label doesn’t mean we were ever allowed to step into it.

Steven chose a life of drugs and prison, the Bible tells us that a husband should lay down his life for his bride. I wanted Steven to choose me. I wanted the name to fit who I was; it didn’t. Making MY decision to pick myself after all these years, now apparently I’m placed in this other labeled box, divorced. I’m expected to heal and move on in a certain manner. I’m expected to process this how a Christian lady should, by a strict outline.

Why should I be stuck with the title and outline when I never held the position? As I grieve the hopes and dreams I’ve held for 15 years, I know that my God is faithful. He will fulfill this extreme longing to live out the title of wife.